I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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