I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I won the penis lottery.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
