Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
