the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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