Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
