my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
