Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
whose parrot is this?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
