Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
