Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
