Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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