Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i will never coherently bang her
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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