I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
