hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
