Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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