Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
