the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
