I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
