Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
