well I can't set my house on fire every night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
