There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
