You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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