So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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