We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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