May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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