I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
