Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
