I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
