Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
