i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
