Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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