one word: firstdatebathroomanal
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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