At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The uberlube is also flammable
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
