Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i think i have herpe
just one?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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