soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
