Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
