I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
