Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
