My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
