dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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