If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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