That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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