"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
