The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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