we're chasing vodka with high fives
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
