I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
