I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
