Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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