make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
