If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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