If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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