i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
