I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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