i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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