i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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