Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
