What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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