Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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