6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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